I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
