I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
