i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
