I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
