You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
