We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
