my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
