last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
