I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
