Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
