He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
