Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
