Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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