I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
smell my finger.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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