I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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