i think i have two assholes
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
