i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
