I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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