Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
