I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
