I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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