Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
