NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
