I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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