i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
