I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
