I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
