Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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