3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?