i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
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I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning