Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am