Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman