Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
