I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
