my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
