true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
