I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
either way he was missing a nipple.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
