All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
