Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
