That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
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Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
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My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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