1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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