you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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