Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
