Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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