it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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