Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
