i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
