Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
