i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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