Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
