I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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