hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
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No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
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Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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