dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
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I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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