I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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