i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
being pregnant is like rehab
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
