you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
