I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
