She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?