We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She needs sedatives and a leash
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.