fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home