well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.