Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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