Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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