Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
