I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
