I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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