Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
