her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
