Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You pole danced in your parka.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
