Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
