So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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